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 I am on break from work. Like a two week short term disability kind of break. My heart is a little broken right now and needs time to heal. From what? Well I have spent years mistreating myself. Everything I love and everything that is good for me, i don't do and everything I hate that destroys me... I do. It's only taken 34 years to figure that out. 

Reading through my old posts actually hurt because I thought I let go, I thought I had moved on but what I actually did was put a bandaid over a wound that needed surgery. I faked it until i made it and it got me no where except for spiraling into the sprawl of depression that I can't seem to conquer. 

Yet I can if I just allow myself to heal. 

What I've never had is patience. And right now I am patiently being compassionate with myself. Do I want to go back to work? Hell fucking yea. Am I allowed to go back to work? No. Because I am on short term disability, so I need to take this time and figure out what is really going on so that I can stop being so defeated and down on myself. 

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