Skip to main content

Florida Showers

She comes and goes like Florida Showers


Loving her gives her the power-
The smile on her face masks the pain in her eyes

I painted this the other night. 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1JOqSpNx7dR0t5cwlemxjj4eBBcCHvcE7

It was symbolic for my friend Kaitlyn. She loves dream catchers and she has 3 daughters. 

Right now I am really trying to find my grounding again. At the moment I’ve lost my foothold on my foundation. I need it back. I feel a little like Florida showers and my paintings are the only things keeping  me a little sane at the moment. They help me give words to emotions I can’t express in words and in that painting I gave adoration to a person that I admire more than anything in this world. It was a picture of gratitude and thankfulness poured out onto a piece of paper. 

Emotions suppressed are so unhealthy. And when you can’t figure out how you feel and you can pour them into an outlet, man it’s so amazing what can come out. 

I am burning with so many emotions right now that is so hard to put into words and that I can only pour out on paper. I’m honestly lost in how I am feeling. I am not misunderstood - I don’t even understand myself right now so it’s impossible to be misunderstood. 

I am navigating my way through my feelings not with words and not through journaling but with art and on paper. And it’s helping me to release some of the emotions that I’ve bottled up for so long that I didn’t even understand that I felt. 

Art triggers a part of your brain and releases emotional experiences that didn’t realize you even felt until after you start feeling them and wow is it a wild ride. And an eye opening experience. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Mad

I am sitting here watching Daniel the Tiger and they are singing a song called “Mad” and one thing that I am learning now that I didn’t know then is that it’s ok to be mad at some one.  I only used to get mad at inanimate objects because they didn’t have any feelings and I am that sensitive of a person that I knew that they couldn’t get hurt so I would take my feelings of anger out on things not people.  I never wanted to hurt a persons feelings because I knew how it felt to be hurt by anger and I didn’t want to make someone feel how I felt.  It’s ok to be mad at people. This is how I always would be: You don’t want to walk around being a victim all the time. You don’t want to walk around being hurt all the time. Its ok to be angry. But. And there’s a huge but! It’s not cool to be cruel. Be angry BUT use your anger and let it be a cathartic release to catalyst you into something amazing such as.... painting, sports, music, running. Anything. Something. It’s power. Let it ...

Clarity

I have been a Lone Ranger for quite some time and by that I mean, I haven’t been reading my Bible like I should. I know God is with me. I know His grace covers and protects me, and I know He is sovereign but I have been taking it for granted.  I went to my home church this morning. I’ve been going to River Oak but I decided to go to my home church with my mom this morning.   The message really spoke to me. Pastor Ray said basically that it’s easy to understand from an outside perspective and make a judgment call but unless you know the context of the situation you don’t understand the concept of the reality of the situation.  He preached out of John 4 where Jesus had to go through Samaria which was basically going through a land of the most hated people to get to Galilee. There he met a Samaritan woman by the well who had been married 5 times and living with a man. And he asked her for water. And she was surprised. Then Jesus said if she only knew the gift God had for her...

Security

Why am I constantly deleting myself and recreating myself? Am I having some sort of midlife crisis? I doubt it, I’m not old enough for that. Is it an identity crisis? I doubt that. I’m to firm in my identity for that.  I’ve been the same little girl that was in the fields picking flowers with the other girls and tying them together making head bands; while at the same time chasing the boys around the play ground playing tag. I’ve never grown out of that. This isn’t an identity crisis.  So why do I feel the need to constantly recreate myself? I’ve deleted and recreated my bumble so many times that it’s embarrassing to even say hi. I’ve gone AWOL from Facebook except to post blogs only to delete them within 24 hours.  The only security I have is the loss of security. This is different from insecurity. I am not insecure. I am very secure in who I am. But in the loss of security I find my security. By this, I mean by not placing my value of myself in other peoples opinion and...