Skip to main content

ELectric Motor

EMC destroyed me. The stress of that place was the catalyst into my 3rd relapse. Again I wasn’t on medicine. I had a great man in my life. My job destroyed me.

The people there, were terrible. Besides a handful. They were awful. I love my job now. That job was nothing but dirty polititcs. Thankfully I am no longer there. 

That episode, hits a little too close to home and not enough time has passed for me to open up about it but soon enough I will. 

Since this episode I have taken medicine religiously and not had a relapse. The doctors say I never will as long as I take medicine. So I will listen to the doctors. 

My life has been a crazy, wild ride full of chaotic adventures. Way more than I have enough time to describe. They are all happy adventures. They are just delusions of grandeur. I have never gotten mad at anyone or gotten out of control. I’ve just done irrational things. Some of it is actually quite funny and I’ll break it down into posts as I go along but this is the gist of my story. 

My life literally broke down and restarted 3 times. I lost everything and had to restart from nothing. 4 times if you count my divorce, but at least I didn’t lose my sanity. I will try to be as open and honest with you about what I went through and not so vague.   These past few entries are just and overview so you can know my history a little more. 

My breakdowns were 2010, 2013, 2016. And here I am 2020 and I broke the 3 year curse!!!! But this has also been the first time I’ve ever taken medicine. So we will see what happens as we go along. 

I am not a victims in this. I am a survivor. 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1VrGgzJ0ea0ZZyzSvji4hbc-0wKRIK4u1
I realize there are so many people out there with struggles way worse than mine. This is just my story with bipolar disorder. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mad

I am sitting here watching Daniel the Tiger and they are singing a song called “Mad” and one thing that I am learning now that I didn’t know then is that it’s ok to be mad at some one.  I only used to get mad at inanimate objects because they didn’t have any feelings and I am that sensitive of a person that I knew that they couldn’t get hurt so I would take my feelings of anger out on things not people.  I never wanted to hurt a persons feelings because I knew how it felt to be hurt by anger and I didn’t want to make someone feel how I felt.  It’s ok to be mad at people. This is how I always would be: You don’t want to walk around being a victim all the time. You don’t want to walk around being hurt all the time. Its ok to be angry. But. And there’s a huge but! It’s not cool to be cruel. Be angry BUT use your anger and let it be a cathartic release to catalyst you into something amazing such as.... painting, sports, music, running. Anything. Something. It’s power. Let it ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Clarity

I have been a Lone Ranger for quite some time and by that I mean, I haven’t been reading my Bible like I should. I know God is with me. I know His grace covers and protects me, and I know He is sovereign but I have been taking it for granted.  I went to my home church this morning. I’ve been going to River Oak but I decided to go to my home church with my mom this morning.   The message really spoke to me. Pastor Ray said basically that it’s easy to understand from an outside perspective and make a judgment call but unless you know the context of the situation you don’t understand the concept of the reality of the situation.  He preached out of John 4 where Jesus had to go through Samaria which was basically going through a land of the most hated people to get to Galilee. There he met a Samaritan woman by the well who had been married 5 times and living with a man. And he asked her for water. And she was surprised. Then Jesus said if she only knew the gift God had for her...
Post a Comment
Read more

Security

Why am I constantly deleting myself and recreating myself? Am I having some sort of midlife crisis? I doubt it, I’m not old enough for that. Is it an identity crisis? I doubt that. I’m to firm in my identity for that.  I’ve been the same little girl that was in the fields picking flowers with the other girls and tying them together making head bands; while at the same time chasing the boys around the play ground playing tag. I’ve never grown out of that. This isn’t an identity crisis.  So why do I feel the need to constantly recreate myself? I’ve deleted and recreated my bumble so many times that it’s embarrassing to even say hi. I’ve gone AWOL from Facebook except to post blogs only to delete them within 24 hours.  The only security I have is the loss of security. This is different from insecurity. I am not insecure. I am very secure in who I am. But in the loss of security I find my security. By this, I mean by not placing my value of myself in other peoples opinion and...
Post a Comment
Read more