Disappearing act

Where have I gone? I pulled some sort of disappearing act? The truth is I was putting together and reevaluating pieces of myself again. Is this what I really want to do? Put myself out there for everyone to see my rise and falls?

Yes. It is. No matter how many times I fail I will try again. I pulled a disappearing act. It’s my MO. But here I am again ready to try again and back in action.

Life is full of chaos and it’s full of twists and turns and curve balls flying at you and you have to learn how to play dodge ball in order to survive.

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1m2zEqznwRLksUFdDOXYO6D0p5MIsYrVL

Perception is everything. It dictates our reality. My perception was a bit fuzzy and I wasn’t sure what direction I was headed. Should I be a mental health advocate or should I keep my mental health private? This all stems from the dating world which I should keep separate from mental health advocacy but who ever I date, there’s a chance he will stumble upon my Twitter and my blog and find out more than I am ready to tell him. That’s a risk I am willing to take.

Mental health is so important.

Comments

Mad

I am sitting here watching Daniel the Tiger and they are singing a song called “Mad” and one thing that I am learning now that I didn’t know then is that it’s ok to be mad at some one. I only used to get mad at inanimate objects because they didn’t have any feelings and I am that sensitive of a person that I knew that they couldn’t get hurt so I would take my feelings of anger out on things not people. I never wanted to hurt a persons feelings because I knew how it felt to be hurt by anger and I didn’t want to make someone feel how I felt. It’s ok to be mad at people. This is how I always would be: You don’t want to walk around being a victim all the time. You don’t want to walk around being hurt all the time. Its ok to be angry. But. And there’s a huge but! It’s not cool to be cruel. Be angry BUT use your anger and let it be a cathartic release to catalyst you into something amazing such as.... painting, sports, music, running. Anything. Something. It’s power. Let it ...

Clarity

I have been a Lone Ranger for quite some time and by that I mean, I haven’t been reading my Bible like I should. I know God is with me. I know His grace covers and protects me, and I know He is sovereign but I have been taking it for granted. I went to my home church this morning. I’ve been going to River Oak but I decided to go to my home church with my mom this morning. The message really spoke to me. Pastor Ray said basically that it’s easy to understand from an outside perspective and make a judgment call but unless you know the context of the situation you don’t understand the concept of the reality of the situation. He preached out of John 4 where Jesus had to go through Samaria which was basically going through a land of the most hated people to get to Galilee. There he met a Samaritan woman by the well who had been married 5 times and living with a man. And he asked her for water. And she was surprised. Then Jesus said if she only knew the gift God had for her...

Security

Why am I constantly deleting myself and recreating myself? Am I having some sort of midlife crisis? I doubt it, I’m not old enough for that. Is it an identity crisis? I doubt that. I’m to firm in my identity for that. I’ve been the same little girl that was in the fields picking flowers with the other girls and tying them together making head bands; while at the same time chasing the boys around the play ground playing tag. I’ve never grown out of that. This isn’t an identity crisis. So why do I feel the need to constantly recreate myself? I’ve deleted and recreated my bumble so many times that it’s embarrassing to even say hi. I’ve gone AWOL from Facebook except to post blogs only to delete them within 24 hours. The only security I have is the loss of security. This is different from insecurity. I am not insecure. I am very secure in who I am. But in the loss of security I find my security. By this, I mean by not placing my value of myself in other peoples opinion and...

Melody Holley

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