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One Hit Wonders



Why the need for distraction? Here is some true transparency. 

I have been on a dating spree since two Monday’s ago. And they have all been one hit wonders. Which means, I think we are having a great time... then they ghost me. 

This is a hard hit on someone’s self esteem who spent a lot of time developing her self esteem over the course of a year. It makes you wonder what is wrong with me? 

I have spent a year developing my self esteem and self worth only for it to be torn down in a matter of two weeks. And it’s time for me to rebuild it again. 

I have turned into someone I used to be, not someone I want to be or someone I am. 

I have lost sight of my dreams, my goals my purpose and turned my validation on that of a mans opinion and I know I am much stronger than that. I have fought so hard to not revolve my world around the ideology of a mans viewpoint. So why am I struggling so fiercely?

Because I let my guard down. Proverbs 4:23 says “above all else, guard your heart for it is the well spring of life” and I tried to play the heart breaker. Hell, I wore that mask like a pro. Then I ended up eating Ben and Jerry’s Salted Caramel Core every night after I thought the night before a date went well and I heard crickets. 

I suppose I set myself up for this. If you can’t handle the heat, don’t walk in the fire. Yet, I keep doing it over and over again. I am not a stupid woman, I am not a desperate to find love woman, I am a woman who wears her heart on her sleeve for sure. 

I can definitely stand independent of a man, and that’s the direction I think I’m going to put my focus on right now. I am going to focus on myself. If my one hit wonders come back around, I will have to really weigh the pros and cons of risking putting my self confidence and self worth out on a limb to only be an option in their book. It doesn’t feel good. 

There is only one guy I would make any exception for,  because there’s always an exception to the rule and this guy I felt I had a strong connection with

Love always. I took this picture today before I thought this through. It’s the fakest smile in the world. 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1f3A5BVukTW27CKq2UVFbU_a6s7MJKQ6m

The sign should say always love yourself. 

Today in church we learned about what can happen when you lay your life down for God. And that it’s not about your ability. It’s about you availability. That is what I am going to chase after, God. Because His love never fails. His love is relentless. It’s everlasting. 

I am so far from the perfect Christian. In fact I’m going to share a video that drops the F bomb. But I love God with all my heart. And it’s time to chase a man who will chase after me too. It’s time to love something deeply that won’t hurt me. It’s also time for me to love myself. 



So it’s time to re-center and refocus. I want to be a doctor one day. I want to be a therapist. I want to write books. I want to be a mental health advocate and I want to be an inspiration to people. I have been given a gift to write and I will continue to use it to encourage people to survive what I’ve gone through. 

So a bit of advice for those upset with the dating game, take a time out, and effing love yourself.

There is nothing wrong with you. You are worthy. You are special. You are unique. You are wonderful. If they don’t see it, it’s their loss. You have so much to offer someone, and one day the right person will come along and they will realize that and they won’t take that for granted. They will sweep you off your feet. 

You, my dear, are a creature unlike any other. 

Don’t you ever forget that. Just plant Taylor Swifts song in your brain and play it on repeat. I will even post the lyrics so you can memorize them. 

I promise that you'll never find another like me
I know that I'm a handful, baby, uh
I know I never think before I jump
And you're the kind of guy the ladies want
(And there's a lot of cool chicks out there)
I know that I went psycho on the phone
I never leave well enough alone
And trouble's gonna follow where I go
(And there's a lot of cool chicks out there)
But one of these things is not like the others
Like a rainbow with all of the colors
Baby doll, when it comes to a lover
I promise that you'll never find another like
Me-e-e, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
I'm the only one of me
Baby, that's the fun of me
Eeh-eeh-eeh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Now recognize there is no one like you. There will never be another you. You are pretty incredible. Don’t give up hope and keep that light shining. 

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