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Helicopter

During the recovery of that first episode, it wasn’t instant. It wasn’t over night. For the first few days I was still a little out of it.

I remember specifically hearing helicopters in the sky and getting worried that my ex was after me which was ridiculous because he is one of the most gentle men in this world. But I would sit outside and draw and I would get concerned. 

So I finally called him and asked. I was as hypersensitive as sensitive could get. My dads friend was in town and we rented the movie Precious and I couldn’t even watch the first five minutes of it. The only movie I could watch was Across the Universe on repeat over and over. 

That was my first experience with a manic episode so it wasn’t even a bad episode. It was pretty tame. It centered around a boy. The next one also centered around a boy. So I literally have to be so precautious with my heart and guard it with everything I have and not allow myself to fall for someone who isn’t equally falling for me. I can’t take that risk. 

My ex loved me just as much as I loved him. He showed me true love.  Until our love grew stale and we grew apart, and it’s because we were young and we grew up into two different people. And that’s ok. He’s an incredible person. But I know what true love looks like and how it feels for love to be reciprocated. 

My trigger is totally love. I need to be extra precautious. 

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