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Heart Abandoned

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=13EEtSPyWGMZz9nLo6XQlrl_ipJG9IPm0
We are often times way too hard on ourselves. Especially those of us with a mental illness. We see ourselves as flawed instead of seeing our illness as something beautiful. In fact, why is it even called an illness or a disorder? Why it isn’t instead called a mental difference?

I get it. Maybe it’s because I need to take medicine and that is why it is called an illness. But there is so much beauty in what my disorder has to offer. Because of my disorder, I have this element in my personality that does not allow me to see how others perceive me when I am in a hypomanic state. I did double check with my therapist that this is indeed a concept that many people with bipolar face.

So in saying that we do not see how others perceive us, we literally don’t give a Toledo what you think. Right now I do, because I am not in a hypomanic state. But when I am in a hypomanic state, I could care less about what anyone has to say. I am in my own little world and I am on a mission to save the world. 

That is another beautiful thing that our disorder has to offer, is when we are in our state, we are usually trying to save the world. How selfless is that? 

Bipolar has so much beauty in the disorder. It is not a shameful thing to be bipolar if you embrace the beauty of it. Yes we have our mood swings, but that just means we feel with so much intensity that no one who does not have bipolar disorder can ever understand. 

Every mental disorder or illness has something unique and beautiful to offer if you look at it from a different light. People with anxiety are so sensitive that they can feel things before they happen and they are some of the most emotionally understanding people I have ever met. People with schizophrenia are some of the most creative people in the world. I don’t know anyone with agoraphobia but I am sure that if I did I could find something they have to offer. 

There is no shame in having a mental illness. Embrace the difference in your brain. Embrace the beauty of the journey it has created for you. Clasp on to how it has set you apart from the rest of the world. 

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1oEKxhrADr2i3LWckwOlZj4LFLmbf31Av

If you ask why I feel this way, it’s because I stand with arms wide and heart abandoned in awe of the One who made it all. God is sovereign. He makes no mistakes. He created me this way for a reason and for a purpose, and my purpose is to reach out to you guys, and for my life to be a testimony. A testimony of God’s grace poured out on a silly little naïve girl who lost all direction in life and gave it all to God to use as He pleases.


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