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Chill Pill

It’s 2:10 in the am and I took a substantial nap today, but the fact that I am not asleep right now is a huge red flag. The fact that I am wide awake and writing is a huge red flag. Since last Monday I have been on the go, I haven’t slowed down and I haven’t exactly been making my wellness a priority. I have been trying to ‘live it up’ because all of January I was so incredibly sick that now that I am finally not I wanted the chance to live life to the fullest again and it hasn’t exactly been the healthiest for me. 

Monday I hung out with a friend until midnight
Tuesday I had food poisoning
Wednesday I went to poetry night until 11
Thursday I hung out with a friend until midnight
Friday I actually got some sleep
Saturday I hung out with a friend until 11
Sunday I hung out with a friend until 12

And here it is Monday at 2:21 in the morning and I’m obviously not giving my body the attention and amount of sleep it needs because it’s signaling a giant.

Bipolar is a very tricky thing. When you have it under control it’s smooth sailing. And I’m not saying it’s not smooth sailing right now because the only ailment I have is my lack of sleep and my burst of creativity to write, which a friend of mine so kindly pointed out. 

It’s something that can be addressed and controlled if you acknowledge the warning signs and take a chill pill and realize that you need to sit back and take a time out for yourself to give your mental health a chance to recuperate. I’ve been running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off having the time of my life, and yes I have definitely been having the time of my life. 

However, what I need now is time to rejuvenate. I need time to recover. I need me time. I need time to regenerate. I’m definitely far from the deep end. I’m not even close to heading in that direction. 

The beauty of my disorder, my personal disorder, is I am so incredibly self aware, and so incredibly in tune with my red flags that I can spot them before they become an issue. 

They have not become an issue. And they will not become an issue, unless I do not slow down. I have to take the necessary precautions to put myself back on a schedule and a routine to get myself back to where I was before January hit and my life spun into a chaos of sickness that catalyst me into a desire of freedom. There has to be a certain level of balance. 

There is such a fine line you have to walk and I’ve been leaning so hard to one side that I need to find my balance again. It’s definitely attainable, and there is no need to cry out to my doctor to change my medication or schedule more than necessary therapy appointments. 

Considerably, I am doing quite well. I am living a life I love and loving the life I live. There just has to be a point of moderation and a point of balance that says ok, you’ve been out 5 times this week until midnight, how about we aim for 2, and give your body a break. 

Moderation is so necessary, and I know I’m so thrilled right now because 
Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher born in 544 b.c. said, “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.” And I’m dipping my toes into the dating world and actually dating- like really dating. And thoroughly enjoying it. But I need to step back and give myself a reality check and prioritize my mental wellness over temporary pleasures. 
Bipolar is a true struggle, but not one that can’t be overcome when you recognize the warning signs and you are consistently proactive about it and take the necessary steps to combat the relapse. 
So how will I combat it? 
The computers are still down, so I will most likely take the day off and listen to an audible book. I will probably write some more, because right now my heart is set on writing and when the mojo flows I won’t stop it, I will let it flow baby flow. I’ll take a nice long shower and I’ll rest around the house with no agenda and try my hardest not to sleep so I can get back to my regular sleep schedule. 
That is how you combat the disorder without flipping out or freaking out. It’s honestly not something to be scared of if you know your triggers and what to watch out for. It’s just something that you have to be precautious about and you have to learn from and learn how to manage. 
Some people call it “adulting”

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