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The Power of a Testimony

Its hard to understand why i am going through what i am going through right now. For the past 3 years things have only been going up for me and i have only been getting stronger. I have been hit with some pretty hard turbulence this year that couldve made my life rocky and hard but instead i allowed it to mold me and shape me into a stronger person. Every thing was going so well....

Then Monday hit, and it hit me hard. Like a bulldozer carrying thousands of pounds of wet concrete ready to pour over my life and bury me alive. It broke me down. It tore into me like i havent experienced in a very long time. I cried out to God. I didnt blame Him, instead i praised Him. I thanked Him for my life but i asked Him why is this happening to me?

Then i read the story of Job. You see, my blogs would be pointless and serve absolutely no purpose if i didnt go through my fair share of trials too. Mental illness does not mean smooth sailing. There is no magic pill and then you are cured of every ailment and you never experience the darkness again. I would be giving you false hope and false realities if i shared only that side of it. 

On Sunday i was so excited to share my testimony of how i struggled with my disorder and faced my battle and provide hope for a family. On Monday i would be put to the test to face my own battles and be put through the fire to see how i would handle it. 

I took Tuesday through Friday off of work because i needed the time to fight this battle. I am hanging on by a thread and i am fighting and pushing forward with everything i have in me to keep on going but i would be lying to you if i said it wasnt one of the most difficult things i am facing right now. 

So what am i doing to cope with my struggles?

Tuesday, i cleaned my room, cleaned my car, did laundry, cleaned the bathroom, helped a friend with a resume and helped her land a job. After that, we celebrated by hanging out on her front porch.

Wednesday, i cleared the rocks from the side of the house, it was hard work, then i went to a friends house. I was so close to checking myself in to Va Psych but i went to therapy and my therapist convinced me that this is a battle that we can win outside of the hospital. Then i went to my aunt and uncles for dinner

Today, i did a lot of retail therapy courtesy of my mom and in return i did more yard work for my parents. 

So despite the lows i am feeling and the want to curl up in bed and feel sorry for myself and shed tears for endless hours i am not. I am pushing forward with everything that i have left in me to fight because i know mental illness is a struggle but i believe when it knocks you down you should fight back.

Yes i did have to take time off of work. I couldnt sit at my desk with my thoughts running wildly, i needed this time to adjust my meds and cope with this flare up of what is going on.

I cant explain why this is happening to me and why all of a sudden my world is crashing down around me except that i believe in the power of a testimony and you cannot control the circumstances of life you can only control how you react to them and i am choosing to use this time in my life as a testimony of how i got kicked down but i kept pressing forward and i did not give up the fight.

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