Values and Boundaries

What are your values and boundaries? Should we create boundaries? How do we create boundaries? How do we value ourselves? These are all very good questions that I hope I can help to clarify



Jeremiah 5:22 “Have you no respect for me? Why don’t you tremble in my presence? I, the Lord define the ocean’s sandy shoreline as an everlasting boundary that the waters cannot cross. The waves may toss and roar but they can never pass the boundary I set.”



Boundaries. What is a boundary? Webster defines boundary as something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent. In that verse God set His limit with the Israelites. He called them out and asked them, why are you crossing my boundary that I have placed before you? I have boundaries set in place and you have directly gone against them. Why?



In Jeremiah 4:18 God says “Your own action have brought this upon you. This punishment is bitter, piercing you to the heart.” So not only did God place boundaries, he also said there were consequences to the boundaries he set in place. He even asked the question in Jeremiah 5:9 “Should I not punish them for this...Should I not avenge myself against such a nation?” God himself understood the importance of boundaries.



All over the Old Testament God litters His boundaries. In Numbers 21:6-7 God sent poisonous snakes to the Israelites who rebelled against Him. Then God sent Jesus to die for all of our sins and covered us by His grace. Does that mean we should not set boundaries? I do not believe so.

In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 it says “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”



Our body is a temple of the most high and that makes us valuable and because we are valuable we need to create boundaries, healthy boundaries, to protect ourselves. Especially our hearts, because they are the wellspring of life.



You will know the people who value you based on their continual actions. You can’t always trust words, but you can always trust continual actions. The people who value you will make an effort to be a part of your life and they will make you feel appreciated and they will not take advantage of you. They will be a good friend and they will reciprocate. They will not play the absent friend card and make excuses for not being a part of your life.



Yes, life does get busy, but they make the effort to keep in touch, and when you make the effort to reach out they respond. It works two ways. You have to understand the different levels of friendships and the different roles that friends play in your lives.



When you find the person who truly values you, hold on to them, and when you don’t feel you are being valued walk away gracefully. No words are necessary, no fights, no drama. Just exit the situation. Matthew 12:14-15 says “Then the Pharisees called a meeting to plot how to kill Jesus. But Jesus knew what they were planning. So he left the area, and many people followed Him. He healed all the sick among them” This verse is pretty intense, but as you can see Jesus left without uttering a word, He just walked away.

In Luke 4:30 it says “but He passed right through the crowd and went on His way” and it is explaining when Jesus was talking to the crowd and the crowd was furious with what He had to say. Jesus knew that He wasn’t being valued, so He walked away.



Before you can learn to create boundaries you need to learn to value yourself and you can’t learn to value yourself with out learning to love yourself and you can’t learn to love yourself if you don’t know what love is.



1 Corinthians 13:4-7 “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures though every circumstance.”



This is a scripture that is so commonly referred to. But typically it is used to show how you should love other people. I want to challenge you to love yourself this way. Be patient and kind to yourself. Never lose faith for yourself. Never give up on yourself. Love yourself. You cannot love your neighbor as you love yourself until you can first love yourself. You cannot begin valuing yourself until you first love yourself.



You are worthy and you are valuable because you are the temple of the Holy Spirit, thus you must begin loving yourself first and then you can begin to start drawing healthy boundaries. The bible does not give explicit boundaries to draw, but in James 1:5-6 it say “If you need wisdom, as our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking, But when you ask Him be sure that you faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind”



God will give you wisdom in drawing boundaries. I have learned to draw boundaries in my own life, and to set limits in my friendships, in my family and in all my relationships. It is healthy to set boundaries when you value yourself. You need to know when things are not benefitting you and learn to walk away gracefully from a situation.



What I have learned is not rooted in revenge or bitterness, I simply just let things go. I do not even tell the person I am letting them go, I just let them go, and if they come back I welcome them back with wide open arms. Proverbs 27:10 says “Never abandon a friend – either yours or your fathers. When disaster strikes, you won’t have to ask your brother for assistance. It’s better to go to a neighbor than to a brother who lives far away”



So, you don’t exactly have to abandon a person, you just exit a situation. You don’t try anymore. You leave with grace, and dignity. You don’t try to be their best friend anymore. You don’t try to be a part of their life, and you don’t try to make them a part of yours. You know by their continual actions the people who value you. You will feel appreciated and you will feel like they cherish you as a human being. The people who don’t value you will make you feel neglected and abandoned and those are the people you need to let go of.



I read an amazing quote the other day. It said “Instead of begging for a seat, build your own table.” And you should do that with people who show you value, and set your boundaries, and the people who don’t value you, walk away from just like Jesus did.



There is another interesting scripture for the people who do value you, in Ephesians 4:25-27 it says “So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And do not sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry. For anger gives a foothold to the devil.”



Take that verse and understand that sometimes you have to set standards with the people who cross your personal boundaries and you have to let them know how you feel and how it bothered you. You don’t want a day to pass without letting them know how you feel otherwise resentment and bitterness will only build up and it will not be good. When people of value cross your boundaries it is wise to properly tell them in a loving way that it is not ok to do that. There is a way to tell them with grace before it turns to anger.



So what can we take away from this? People who don’t value you, walk away from. People who do value you and cross your boundaries, tell them how you feel and let them know before it turns into bitterness and anger. Remember you are the temple of the Holy Spirit and you need to value yourself because God has placed so much value on you and you are valuable to Him.