Melody Holley

We are often times way too hard on ourselves. Especially those of us with a mental illness. We see ourselves as flawed instead of seeing our illness as something beautiful. In fact, why is it even called an illness or a disorder? Why it isn’t instead called a mental difference? I get it. Maybe it’s because I need to take medicine and that is why it is called an illness. But there is so much beauty in what my disorder has to offer. Because of my disorder, I have this element in my personality that does not allow me to see how others perceive me when I am in a hypomanic state. I did double check with my therapist that this is indeed a concept that many people with bipolar face. So in saying that we do not see how others perceive us, we literally don’t give a Toledo what you think. Right now I do, because I am not in a hypomanic state. But when I am in a hypomanic state, I could care less about what anyone has to say. I am in my own little world and I am on a mission to save the...

You fall flat on your face. So what do you do? Do you sit there and waddle in your misery? Do you sit there and throw a pity party for yourself? Do you sit there and stay down and keep beating a dead horse wondering where you went wrong? NO! You pick yourself back up again. You keep going, no matter how many times you fall you pick yourself up and you keep moving forward. I read a book by John C Maxwell that said you can’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself, and that resonated with in me. You are going to fail if you want to be successful. I have fallen so many times. Three major times to count, but I have gotten back up. For my writing specifically, I have fallen, I have made a fool of myself – I have literally exposed myself and made myself look like an idiot but I have gotten back up and recreated myself. It’s never too late. The beauty, if you can find it, of having Bipolar disorder is that you literally fall flat on your face several times and you build a level of ...

I am sitting here watching Daniel the Tiger and they are singing a song called “Mad” and one thing that I am learning now that I didn’t know then is that it’s ok to be mad at some one.  I only used to get mad at inanimate objects because they didn’t have any feelings and I am that sensitive of a person that I knew that they couldn’t get hurt so I would take my feelings of anger out on things not people.  I never wanted to hurt a persons feelings because I knew how it felt to be hurt by anger and I didn’t want to make someone feel how I felt.  It’s ok to be mad at people. This is how I always would be: You don’t want to walk around being a victim all the time. You don’t want to walk around being hurt all the time. Its ok to be angry. But. And there’s a huge but! It’s not cool to be cruel. Be angry BUT use your anger and let it be a cathartic release to catalyst you into something amazing such as.... painting, sports, music, running. Anything. Something. It’s power. Let it ...

I have been fighting so hard to create a voice and for my voice to be heard that I am resting now. There comes a point that you need to take a time out, if only for a moment.  I’ve succeeded and surpassed in areas I didn’t think I could and I’ve also fallen flat on my face multiple times. But I believe in failing forward. When you have a dream you chase after it.  No matter how many times you fall flat on your face, you keep picking yourself up and trying again  I have been through a lot in this life and I have a very crazy past and I will share some of it with you tonight.   AVP AVP came into my life right after I had broken up with one of the greatest loves of my life KS. My cousin asked me in September if I wanted to go to a marine ball with his roommate and I said sure why not. And the next day AVP texted me and said “Hey whats up Smelly Mel” and I was totally turned off. He ended up visiting for Thanksgiving and I ignored him the whole dinner and afterwards the ...